Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Big, Big Girl, In A Big, Big World…

3 weeks flew by so quick that I don’t really feel I’ve ever went to Amman this year…
Just like yesterday we were all gathered in formal dresses and suits filled with joy watching our beloved brother take the first step in his new life beside his beautiful bride!
I can still hear the music, smell the white flowers, feel the warm tears, and taste the bless of being gathered in such a lovely occasion: the day my brother got married!
How can I describe the smiles on our faces, or explain the beating hearts we carried every step of the way; from the minute he got all dressed up, till the minute he said goodbye and left!
It’s weird how a simple thing like watching our brother dance with his bride, could load us all with this mixture of countless kinds of feelings!
Our happiness cannot be put into words, God Bless Him and His wife, and may He grant them joy, good health and success in their life together!

This visit to Jordan made me know how fragile my heart has become!
I remember when I was a kid I used to hear old people say: “the older you get, the stronger you become”. I’ve seen many prove them right, my mom being one of the people I admire for the strength she has to carry on with her life despite all problems and heartaches she’s been through, and is constantly experiencing.
Yet when it comes to me, I have to admit it, the older I get, the harder it becomes for me to lockup my tears when they’re about to escape. There are times when I feel I’m about to get a heart attack right where I’m standing while saying goodbye with a big fake smile on my face !

I’ve been to the airport a number of times in this visit, and I just remembered how I’ve always loved going to airports when I was a little girl. I thought of it as a lovely place where I could see many people and eat yummy things. As I grew up, my love for airports grew stronger, I still enjoyed going there to pick up or drop people, and I just loved it when I’d accidentally run into people I knew, and then say: what a small world!
Now it all changed, I don’t hate airports, but I hate what they stand for in my new dictionary of life… airport: the one place on earth that’s able to make you feel how damn big this “small world” really is…

I already miss everyone, I missed them before I said goodbye, I missed them the day I realized I’ll be away soon… I missed them since the day I arrived and said: here I am…