Tuesday, June 15, 2004


Again Sireh Wenfatahit discussed a very important issue: The Kitchen. A small title to a very important and long discussion concerning the importance of cooking at home, the difficulties that women face in order to fulfill the role of their grandmothers and mothers in earlier generations, the role of women nowadays and the reasons behind the presence of so many threats to the existence of house kitchen and healthy home cooking. It was a very interesting episode, and what caught my attention was this definition they used addressing the woman of today: “SUPERWOMAN”.
I must admit that it’s the most appropriate definition to use. And I thought it was worth discussing.
A “superwoman” is both what most of men look for in their partners, and what women themselves challenge themselves to be.
A man is no longer looking for a partner to share feelings, a home and a family. He’s not satisfied with a woman who will only cook him a yummy meal, take care of his home and raise their children. He wants a woman that does all that and helps him in life’s difficulties, earn money just like he does, goes paying bills, and picks the children from school. He looks for a sharp thinker, an attractive appearance, and a feminine attitude. But still in all this, he needs the “basics” that are part of being a woman, which are: care, love, cooking, household, and raising kids. So what a man –generally speaking- is looking for nowadays is the skills of the women of yesterday + the character of the woman of today. A good cook, a loving mother, an equal partner, a great employee/ employer, and a sexy person.
I find this normal for a man to expect in our time, life is too demanding to handle alone. But what I think is not fair for women is the level of help a man awaits from his wife. He can’t expect his wife to wake up so early, go to work, spend most of her time there, come back home at around 6 p.m. exhausted, to go shopping for stuff for home, then head straight to the kitchen, prepare dinner, clean the house, look after the kids, keep in touch with friends and family, and at the same time look so elegant, sexy and tidy, with her hair done and her nails shining, smelling so good, then have dinner, clean the mess of after-dinner-time, and still be active and excited enough to spend time with him, talk to him, go out visiting or partying with him, then come back to her clean tidy home and sleep a couple of hours before the alarm goes off! This is not fair. Neither it is fair for her to do nothing in life but gossip, cook and household, neither it is fair for her to lose all those beautiful old pictures of a warm wife. Therefore best thing is choose what gives her the chance to prove herself as a constructive member of society outside the frame of the cook or the baby-sitter, get herself a successful career life that still allows her to fulfill her duty as a loving mother, a great cook and a tidy person. Which means the women should also understand this and stop thinking these stupid ideas of: ah we’re equal and I will show him I’m smarter and can earn as twice as he earns…blah blah blah!
We are equal, equality is not measured with how much each earns, and how long our work hours are. Our equality is measured by proving our success on all levels of life and not only the professional level. What good would it bring a woman to have a full time job of 6-8 hours a day, earning a fortune, yet having to hire a baby-sitter, a maid and a cook. Or even if she doesn’t hire them, she wont be able to talk to her kids, or be calm and active, ready to share her husband his thoughts and sorrows and give him the support he needs to survive his problems. Money might bring more stuff, but it will take away a lot of beautiful meanings from our lives in return. The gathering around a healthy home-cooked meal, the sense of sharing thoughts and many other things are all lost for the sake of few more dollars in the end of the month. It’s true that many men help their wives in household and cooking, but if you look at it, the wife is the one who ends up doing all the work, and the man makes only small things most of the time. Which results in women working like men outside their homes, and working more than men inside their homes. Yet women insist on showing off their ability on being successful workers outside, forgetting that by doing the basic stuff a woman does in her home, she is proving equality to a man working outside his home. Again, I’m not with the traditional picture of women doing the dishes and baking bread, but I’m not with using her love to be “super” to the extreme like we’re seeing today.
Being a woman is not as easy as many people think. She should have her own personality and fulfill her duties as a wife, a mother and a worker all at the same time. All what I wish would happen is that women will re-consider their lifestyles, give it a little thought, think of the best for you and the ones around you. Take a job which wont waste all your time, or get a part-time job only. Men are not better than women, neither are women better than men, they’re both equal and they both complete each other. If you get few money, he’ll get what makes it enough for both of you to have a great life, and if he gives little care, you will give what makes it enough for both of you to enjoy love and happiness. But if both focused on money, there will be no time left for love, and if both focused on love, there will be no money to support that love. We are to help each other and complete what our partners lack, be good at what they’re bad at, and give our best in what they give their least. It’s not with hours nor salaries that you achieve success and superiority, it’s being good at what you do in your professional, social and marital life while keeping a healthy balance between the working woman you love, the wife you adore and the mom you respect that makes you a “superwoman”. And it’s him who respects all three in you, and appreciates the quality and not the quantity of what you’re doing giving you support and treating you with equality who should be called a “superman”.